To be fair I did very well to type that much of the song as the title to this piece, I am always very drunk at New Year and it’s not like anyone sings the song at any other time! Most people just kinda hum the tune anyone and I happen to be one of them.
This was the new year of 2006 and it was handbags at dawn for me. I made the fatal mistake (as I do every year) of going out in my home town (normally this is ok, but not this night). The evening was going well, I was surrounded by good friends, good drink and the more good drink I consumed the better the friends got, even strangers or faint acquaintances became good friends. Typically for my home town, a fight kicked off. Now random ex, who was mentioned earlier, is an ex-doorman and having spent many a night out with him and being taught how to defend myself and diffuse a fight, after a few drinks I tend to think I can stop any fight in the world. Not a great move! It started off well, the fight calmed and then I fatally said the wrong thing. Surprisingly the wrong thing to say was ‘calm down’. Not a common one to provoke someone but there we go, this was my huge mistake. A scatty blonde launched at me screaming, ‘don’t you tell me boyfriend to calm down’ and next thing her hands are in my hair trying to pull it out (well, understandable; I have very nice hair). My one friend is on the other side hitting this scatty blonde in the face shouting ‘let go’ and another friend’s boyfriend is stood behind me trying to pull me out. Eventually I escaped, missing a bit of hair, but pretty much unscathed. The scatty blonde then decided to drive home drunk and I continued with my new year’s eve celebration.
I later found out she worked in the pub she had attacked me in and was sacked as soon as she came in for her next shift. Violence just doesn’t pay.
That night, I also made my plan for the coming year. I hand my notice in in the Summer, having gained a valuable six months work experience at a top London law firm, then I leave to go travelling. A good friend would be in Japan attempting to teach English (he doesn’t quite know how to speak it himself so it’ll be interesting to see him teach it) so that will be my first stop, then to Sydney and Queensland where I know no one but hope to work, then to New Zealand where another friend will hopefully be putting me up and showing me the sights, then on the Las Vegas because it’s the best place in the world, then to LA where I’ll meet Robbie Williams and we’ll get married and that’s where we’ll reside. In the glorious, luxurious Hollywood hills. Fingers crossed it’ll all happen.
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